she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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