Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
