dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My life is pants optional.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
