holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
