I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
