Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
