Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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