I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Cover your peen. We're going out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
