i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
