yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
