Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
