I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
