bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
