we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
