Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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