and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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