Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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