I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
