Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
