spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
