Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
