i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I don't think brook has ever known best
Four minutes until I can fart!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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