Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
