Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize