Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
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