I think I won the penis lottery.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
