yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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