I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
