youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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