ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
