I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i may or may not be watching the land before time
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize