When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
