Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
