These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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