3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i would punch a child for taco bell
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
