Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No subtext here. People are naked.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
