About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Randomize
