I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
