Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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