I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
