If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I didn't notice because vodka
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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