i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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