Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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