I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
