I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
