Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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