just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
