then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
