I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
