quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
