Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This baby is an asshole
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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