You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Floor bacon is actually really good
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
