He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
