guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
