I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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