So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
