im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
