i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Pants are for mortals
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
