If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize