I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
