Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
