In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We are two peas in an std pod
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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