shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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