Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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