I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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