There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
