Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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