I just made out with a guy for $7.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
