and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize