Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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