Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
