Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize